How Strippers Saved My Life
Posted by The Zen Cueist on July 20, 2009
I drank my first cup of coffee, then took the.357 Magnum Smith & Wesson Model D out of the closet again. I stared into my mirrored eyes, put the gun’s barrel to my temple, and squeezed the trigger until the hammer clicked. Then I put the gun away and went back to writing the letter explaining my suicide to my only child.
I couldn’t load the gun until I finished that letter, and I was stuck. Each time I read the first sentence I heard BS (“Beloved Son”) screaming in agony, “Bullshit, Dad!”
I kept trying, day after identical day. I tried from April 14, 2008, until September 19 when I realized, to my surprise, that I had stopped. I looked back to see why.
Weeks earlier, on July 4, I had decided to do something nice for myself for a change, although I didn’t deserve anything nice.
“Screw it, I’m going to a strip club!” I announced defiantly.
I watched young women bravely offer their nakedness with no more than hope of receiving food and shelter for themselves and their babies. I watched them dance knee-tearing, flesh-bruising sets before stone-faced, stingy men; don their meager clothes and gather up meager tips; and step lightly, boldly from the stage with smiles on their lips! So of course, I gave them dollars.
I didn’t have to give dollars; many men didn’t. But every time I gave a dollar, I received a little dose of something that made me feel a little less like killing myself. Seventy-seven consecutive days and 32,000 little doses later, I sold the gun and gave its dollars to the women who had saved my life.
The Science Of Kindness
My psychiatrist was amused, not surprised. “Seventy-seven days in residential treatment would have cost you more than $32,000 and been a lot less fun,” Beth told me. Then she explained the science of my cure, which a dozen pharmaceutical drugs had failed to achieve.
Kindness arose through natural selection. When a human helps another without getting anything in return, the helped one’s chances of survival increase. To the extent that all humans are Kind to all others, the survival of the species is enhanced. As with many behaviors which enhance survival, a biological feedback mechanism evolved that rewards acts of Kindness.
When one performs an act of Kindness, chemicals are released into the brain to cause effects which the Mind interprets as “I feel good”. Frequent repetition of Kind behavior permanently raises the levels of these chemicals in the brain – dispelling suicidal depression, in my case.
Yes, it’s really that simple.
- I haven’t felt sad in over a year, not for one single instant.
- I don’t take any medications.
- I don’t drink alcohol, except a glass of wine when I have guests to dinner.
- An eighth of an ounce of marijuana lasted me three months and I ran out in May.
- I don’t go to “groups”; read depressing depression books; pray; make amends; lie on couches; etc.
It’s that simple. Every honest, true thing is simple. There’s much more on that subject in “Kindness: The Sovereign, Simple Remedy.”
I’m simply, honestly, truly Kind at every opportunity. Opportunities occur constantly so I’m never sad. I don’t worry about ever getting depressed again because there will always be opportunities to be Kind. Hunting skills lost survival value and faded in many cultures as civilization arose. But Kindness is still treasured no matter where you go.
In a modern survey of 16,000 people across 34 cultures, the Number One trait desired in a mate was Kindness. Intelligence came in second; wealth, a poor fourth. A behavior so universally prized and practiced is more likely attributable to genetics than to culture. The human race is biologically configured to be Kind.
Kindness Is Habit-Forming
As I continued to practice Kindness in strip clubs, I found that the practice expanded into all areas of my life. I gave dollars to panhandlers and buskers, one and all. I tipped more generously in restaurants. Then my practice expanded beyond the realm of money.
Words convey Kindness when they lighten another’s suffering. It is easy to find suffering people at every turn, and to lighten their suffering.
“Hi-how-are-you,” mutters a bank teller, a grocery clerk, a bus driver, anyone who toils at your service.
“Why, I’m just vibrating with Joy, young man/lady! How about you?”
Laughter erupts among all hearers every time, easing suffering. One woman was especially miserable, grumbling,
“Well, I dunno about vibrating…”
“Then try scintillating like a 4th of July sparkler!”
That got even her chuckling, along with everyone else within earshot.
You need not even speak to be Kind. Just look a passerby in the eyes and smile! Acknowledge that person’s existence and deem it pleasing. Many people go days without that precious, costless Kindness.
Kindness Is Profitable
Kindness has business utility. People overwhelmingly desire Kindness in a mate. A mate is someone you want to be with; do things with; do business with!
Yes, I’ve received more work as I have practiced Kindness more. I cannot trace the cause-and-effect chain in most cases. But I know that I have earned more money and, more importantly, I have received work that I enjoy more! The key is that I am doing less business with businesses and more with people.
I have many sources of Kindness chemicals. I am richer than I was when I had only a few corporate customers, no matter what my income is.
Avoiding False “Kindness”
Do not try to make Kindness part of your business strategy! “Doing well by doing good” is an insidious temptation to greediness. Newspapers and prisons are littered with those who have perverted Kindness to make money.
Kindness is an act of helpfulness towards another without expectation of any return. It does not matter if the bum spends your buck on food or wine. It does not matter if you are thanked. It does not matter if the people to whom you are Kind improve their lives in any way. (Who are you to judge “improvement”, anyhow?) It does not matter if they buy from you. You get your brain chemicals; be content with that great gift.
“Do good by stealth, and blush to find it fame,” wrote Alexander Pope. Acts of Kindness do not belong on your home page, or in your product catalog. They are for instructional purposes only.
Restraining Kindness
It is possible to ruin yourself with Kindness chemicals as surely as with heroin. Therefore I swore off strip clubs at midnight on June 1, 2009. There is simply too much need for Kindness in strip clubs, too much temptation to overdose on Kindness chemicals. Don’t go looking for great opportunities to be Kind; just accept the little ones that present themselves to you every day.
“Always, if you have a choice, be kind,” advised Anne Rice in Servant of the Bones. You will always have that choice if you give thought towards preserving your capacity to be Kind in the future. “I am frugal, therefore I can be generous,” as Lao Tzu said.
But do not judge others in giving or withholding Kindness. “This panhandler is not sober enough to deserve my Kindness” is an unkind thought, and a lie. The truth is that you have not managed your capacity to be Kind adequately. All deserve your Kindness.
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” That proverb is so old it is found on Ancient Greek amphorae. Live by it and you, too, will vibrate with Joy constantly.
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